Just found out there was a Xena PC game. More like a choose your own adventure than game, and it's based off the episode where Gabrielle becomes a vampire. Shit, man, I would play click the shit out of that but I can't find the fucking thing anywhere. I mean, short of actually buying it. Fuck that, unless the choices were 'kick him in the dick' or 'make out with Gabrielle'. I would give anything to have a modern Xena game, even if were just a fighter. I would main Gabs (duh), but she'd have to have some real moves, not like that meditate and shoot lucky charms bullshit from the N64 game. Like her finisher move could be driving her sais into her opponents throat, covering her in blood. Then she stares blankly into the camera because it never gets easier.

Whoops, got off track. Last time, Xena and Gabs are sent by Michael to do battle with an immortal Caligula, only to find out he's been stealing Aphrodite's powers. Xena tricks Caligula into believing she's a sex goddess and Gabrielle gets molested by an amnesiac Aphrodite in a hallway. I'm not kidding.


( More innuendos... )

I can't claim to know or care much about this episode. I just really, really liked Gabrielle's outfit.

( INNUENDO... )

Tags: all the chicks want gabrielle, gab abs, gabrielle, recap, xena

Welcome to part 2 of a dull Gabrielle lite episode. Last time, Queen Antlers was taken down by a man that just loves to hunt people (as you can see, definitely not overdone or anything), Xena grants her dying wish to make Varia into a suitable leader, which basically amounts to her humiliating the woman and then playing Yoda (but a Yoda that's more 'do as I say, not as I do'). We left off with the two joining forces to try and draw out the asshole killing the Amazons by switching clothes.

( TIME to get reading... )

Tags: angry varia, gab abs, gabrielle, recap, xena

Welcome to the first episode I've done where I haven't the slightest clue what happens. I think I saw Varia and Xena running around and decided there was no point to messing with this. Shit son, I can't wait to dive headfirst into this. Genuine reactions! Genuine rage! Genuine fangirling over anything Gabrielle!

( OH GOD THE EXCITEMENT... )

Tags: angry varia, gab abs, gabrielle, recap, xena

This episode...I don't know. On the one hand, it mostly focuses on Ares whom I can just barely tolerate at the best of times. On the other, it's a really silly episode and Xena and Gabrielle spend it in incredibly shameless milk maid outifts. There's also the matter of Gabs polka dot bra. But if I can get through that shitty Heart of Darkness, this should be a cakewalk. It took me a while to get this up because at first I wasn't sure if I should break it up in half, it's not very long as it is. Secondly, all the screencaps I took were of Gabrielle in her stupid sexy outfit. I made myself go back and get ones that weren't just stupid sexy Gabrielle. So enjoy!

( Shenanigans, skimpy outfits, and chickens... )

Tags: gab abs, gabrielle, recap, shit shoveling, xena

Ho hum, last time we find a year has passed since Xena put the ring on, and stupid men are killing themselves trying to get into the ring of fire to save Gabs. Beowulf seeks the help of his friend King Rothgar, just to find the amnesiac Xena (under the name Welthea) getting married to him. He practically kidnaps her so she can free Gabrielle because he has an everlasting hard-on for a woman that refuses to acknowledge his existence.


( And then it was finally over... )

Tags: gab abs, gabrielle, recap, trilogy of gay, xena

I've already finished the whole recap, but as usual it's long so I'm splitting it up as usual.

Here we are to finish up the Trilogy with the episode (sigh) Return of the Valkyrie. It's not as if it's a bad episode like, say, Heart of Darkness. It's just really boring. After the FIGHT BURN KILL SLAY LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT THAT'S HAPPENING ON YOUR SCREEN HOLY FUCK of the first two, this one is kinda lame in comparison. Which is why I skipped around most of it. If you don't include the climax at the end, the only memory I have of this episode is Xena in a white dress standing on a shore being sad. Sigh.


( Sigh along this way... )

Tags: gab abs, gabrielle, recap, trilogy of gay, xena

So my internet was disconnected for various reasons (okay, just for not paying the bill on time) and finally got it back today. First of all, in my spare internet-less time I recapped two fucking episodes. And one of them in one fucking sitting. Internet, please never leave me again.

I've also returned to find that Tumblr has goddamn exploded in regards to the Xena-con I wasn't even aware still happened. I know with Netflix many people have probably discovered this show (or rewatched), but I never thought it'd still be popular enough to warrant a con. Anyway, apparently Lucy Flawless and Renee O'Conner read some script thingy as their characters and got married and made out or something. I don't know. The only thing I know is I've seen this fucking gif approximately 78 times in the last 20 minutes:

( Like everyone hasn't seen it yet... )

Finished the third book in the Hunger Games trilogy. All of my tears, all of them.

Finishing this episode should totally make me happy. Totally. Nothing bad happens, nosirree bob. Last time, Gabrielle and co. stumble across a wounded Xena, they join efforts to bring down Grindle (whom just so happens to be Grinhilda after putting the Rheingold on), and barely succeed after Xena finally gets the bright idea to pull out her chakram and hit beneath the ribs. Then she realizes that's not Grinhilda.

( There is too much happening... )

Tags: gab abs, gabrielle, recap, trilogy of gay, xena

My games never arrived! I seriously have no earthly idea where they ended up, they just disappeared into thin air (or the pocket of an enterprising delivery person). So instead of hopping back on here and starting the next episode, I bought the second book in the Hunger Games trilogy. I expected a dull love triangle plot, I got explosions and murder and rebellion. I recommend them, if only for having a teenage girl with two teenage boys in love with her, and yet she doesn't think she's in love with either and would rather focus on overthrowing a corrupt government. There's also a fuck ton of gratuitous violence I wouldn't expect from a novel aimed at teen girls, but I heartily approve.

What am I doing plugging a stupid book, there's Xena to watch! Last time, Xena and Beowulf finally come face to tree with Grindle and promptly have their asses handed to them. Brunhilda adds more to Xena's Valkyrie story, yet doggedly refuses to finish the damn thing. Gabrielle either doesn't mind, or in light of finding her bff's bloody chest armor, just doesn't care.

( Trees v. Humans, round 2... )

Tags: gab abs, gabrielle, recap, trilogy of gay, xena